Denise’s Story

Denise and I were inseparable. We had been together over 32 years and worked together for most of that time. We followed each other to several different companies until we decided to start our own international IT business together. Denise did the nitty gritty of the consulting work, she was so talented, and I covered some consultancy and all the customer relationships and contracts. It gave us the freedom to work from home, from the road in our touring caravan with our two westy terrier dogs, or wherever we wanted to be, we were happy as long as we were together.

Denise’s illness started with a sore throat and difficulty to swallow. She was misdiagnosed by her GP, so her illness developed quickly and eventually we were directed to Basingstoke Hospital for biopsies and scans. They quickly diagnosed her with thyroid cancer in February 2022.

Everything started to move quite quickly from there, Denise was booked in with Guildford Hospital for an operation to remove the cancer. They removed as much as possible, but they were not able to remove it all. Thyroid cancer is usually treatable but the form of cancer that Denise had was aggressive.

She had a course of radiotherapy and was released and re-admitted to Guildford Hospital a number of times. I had to travel every day to Guildford to see her, and for two horrid weeks when Denise was really poorly, I was unable to visit her due to COVID.

Denise was put on a feeding tube, and we were asked to go back to Guildford Hospital for a treatment plan, but we were given the prognosis that there was nothing else to be done. It was quite a brutal realisation, and we were told we needed a hospice place for Denise. We had no experience with hospices before, so we did not know what to expect. That was when we were transferred to St. Michael’s Hospice in August 2022.

We believed we would only be with the Hospice for a short time to try and get her back home, but Denise was scared to go home due to her risk of choaking and the medication she needed. She did not want me to have to deal with everything, and she was scared that if anything was to go wrong then she would suffer.

Our friends offered to visit her in the Hospice and initially Denise didn’t want them to come but after just a couple of days staying at the Hospice, Denise was happy for our friends to come and visit. The Hospice staff are so caring, and the environment was so different to the hospitals she had been in. The staff always made her feel supported with bathing as her illness progress, they helped her feel dignified and presentable.

She got to the point where she was not comfortable anywhere but in the Hospice. The first comfortable, reasonable place she got care from during her whole illness, was from St. Michael’s Hospice.

Denise was offered a nursing home place, which she was resigned to go, but she was upset to leave the Hospice. However, just as we were about to leave, her place with the nursing home was revoked because they could not cover all her medical needs. The decision was made that for her comfort and safety that Denise would stay in the Hospice – which she was over the moon about!

Our favourite spot was in the gardens at the Hospice, we would spend hours outside, even if it rained, we got under the umbrella. She would enjoy an ice pop in the sunshine and I would have a glass of wine, as was our normal weekend tradition.

We were outside people, Denise was always such a determined and active person, she used to walk at least 10,000 steps a day with our dogs when she was well. At the Hospice, when she could, we would walk around the gardens and fishpond. Our dogs even came to the Hospice to visit her.

The care was wonderful, the staff did everything they could for her, nothing was too much trouble. They even took her to a spa bath and Denise enjoyed having her hands massaged by the Therapy team in the therapy rooms. I cannot say that she had a good time, but she had a comfortable time and went in the best possible way. She passed on the 24 October 2022 at the Hospice.

I found it was such a nice place. The staff are just amazing, I was looked after in the sense that I was able to stay every night, and they would offer breakfast and extra care. I have attended the Bereavement coffee mornings, and it has been helpful to meet others in similar situations. As odd as it sounds, I find it comforting to come back to the Hospice, it feels peaceful to me.