Gabor’s Story

Gabor and I had been together for over 12 years. We loved travelling and enjoyed activities like cycling, swimming and bodyboarding together. It was on our return home from a trip to Hungary that we noticed a lump on Gabor’s shoulder. Initially, we thought it would be a cyst that could be drained. So, it came as a massive shock when we were told following tests that Gabor had a rare form of bone cancer called Ewing sarcoma. 

Ewing sarcoma is a type of bone or soft tissue cancer that primarily occurs in children or young adults. Therefore, as a 45-year-old man, it was a rare form of cancer that took the medical team by surprise. Gabor was always a very kind and generous person and he allowed Oxford University students to capture his surgery to learn and improve the process for others.

All of Gabor’s treatments and operations were carried out in Oxford Hospital, including the removal of the primary tumour from his scapula and a secondary smaller tumour from his femur. For a short time, Gabor was clear of cancer but later in April 2023 it was discovered the cancer had returned. Due to the brittleness of his bones, Gabor had rods fitted to his legs to help improve his stability.

Once all his treatments came to an end and chemotherapy was no longer having the desired effect to treat his cancer, the team in Oxford asked if we wanted to be referred to the Hospice for palliative care.

Our first encounter with the Hospice was our introduction to Nicolette, one of the clinical nurse specialists, in December 2023. During the time Gabor was under the care of St. Michael’s, he was looked after both at the Hospice and at home.

Having the Hospice around the corner from where we live was super, as it gave me peace of mind that if I needed help with Gabor at home, I could phone the nurse and they would come out to us quickly, as appose to getting in the car and driving an hour and a half each way.

The nurses and doctors worked tirelessly to find the best course of pain treatment for Gabor to ensure he was as pain-free and comfortable as possible. At the same time, we were introduced to the other teams at the Hospice, including the Occupational Therapy team, who helped Gabor maintain his independence, and the Counselling team, who provided emotional support for both Gabor and our family. I had no idea the Hospice offered so much, helping not only Gabor, but me and his family too. 

I have had experience with hospice care before with my mum in South Africa. Also, compared to the hospital, where the care was wonderful, but the environment was more frantic, coming to the Hospice and seeing how lovely the facility is – it feels more like coming to someone’s home.

Gabor, unfamiliar with hospice care, initially feared that he’d never return home once he stayed there. However, Nicolette reassured us that this wasn’t the case. After several stays at the Hospice for pain management, Gabor grew fond of the place and formed strong bonds with the team. He even chose to die at the Hospice, a decision that brought him peace and comfort. 

The environment is welcoming and caring, but also uplifting, with beautifully decorated rooms, family spaces, and gardens. We could have meals with Gabor, have friends come to visit with no restrictions, and the Complementary Therapy team gave massages to help him relax.

The Occupational Therapy team came to our home to help equip us with apparatus to help Gabor get in and out of bed, access the toilet and they also provided an electrically assisted chair to support Gabor to get in and out of. The recliner chair was such a change for Gabor as it alleviated the reliance on me to use pillows to prop him up or move him around.

The doctors and teams made sure to explain all Gabor’s treatment and needs to both of us, to give him the freedom of choice to make his final decision to decline or accept a final blood transfusion at the main hospital site. Due to previous experience of blood transfusions Gabor decided to decline the treatment. Having that really well explained by the doctors here prepared us for what to expect in his final week of life.

The joy and positivity that filled the air during our time there was truly remarkable. I’ll always be grateful to St. Michael’s for the profound difference it made in Gabor’s journey. It truly is a special place, brimming with the most caring and wonderful staff and volunteers.

We knew that the Hospice would be providing immediate care but it’s all the extra benefits from counselling to the therapies that we didn’t know would be provided by the same centre as well.

Along with Complementary therapy, which I’ve been able to continue with the team, I have also used the Bereavement services and signed up for the Bereavement Journey in September.

While Gabor was here, we were both introduced to Emma in the Bereavement team to help support us through the difficult time. I’ve been able to continue speaking with Emma, even after Gabor’s death.

In honour of Gabor and the staff, I’ve dedicated a leaf on the Hospice tree with the message ‘Forever thankful’. Our friends have also raised a memorial page in memory of Gabor to give back to the Hospice.They were quite taken aback with how nice it is here. It is so unlike the hospital, and it is not the scary place that they thought. We want to give back the care and love that the Hospice showed us.

There was a lot of happiness when we were here. To be able to utilise the facilities and the difference it made to Gabor’s journey is what is so special. Yes, it was sad coming back, but coming back regularly and even with his family to see the tree, it get easier and becomes a nice place to visit.