Paul’s Story

My dad was my best friend. He was really funny and really caring. He was a really good dad and grandad to my kids and my brother’s kids. He was a huge West Ham fan and was a football referee when he was younger.

He grew up in London and moved to Basingstoke when he was 18. He was an engineer and ran and engineer company throughout his career.

It all happened so fast. He became really poorly, he stopped eating and was told he had stage 4 cancer. We were told it could be a year, but then it was reduced to months then weeks left. We were at the hospital because he had a really bad night, then the Hospice doctor came to assess him and moved him to the Hospice.

The Hospice doctor explained Dad’s life-limiting illness in such a caring way that it made us feel reassured. The doctor even sat with Dad, after being surrounded by different, fleeting people at the hospital, it put Dad at ease to have the Hospice doctor take the time to sit with him – he didn’t have to do that, but he took the time and it made a real difference to my dad.

None of us had any experience of the Hospice before Dad was brought here. This was an experience that I’ve never had, but we were surrounded by experts that told us what was happening was normal. Having someone when you’re worried to reassure you was lovely.

We were in the hospital that was really chaotic, then we came to the Hospice and it was like a home.

We have a big family, and he was the centre of our families’ universe. He had a lot of friends too that came to see him. The rooms were nice and big for all of us to be together and the conservatory was a great space for us to step away and have a moment of reflection.

The week Dad spent in the Hospice, it was summer and the weather was so hot, so it was nice to have the garden, it was like a sanctuary. It feels safe and you have room to do what you can. It’s just so calm and quiet at the Hospice. The hospital was so loud, and my dad was distressed there but when he arrived in the Hospice I could see he relaxed.

They really did treat my dad with so much dignity. Small things like saying his name every time they came into his room, introducing themselves, and asking him how he was feeling. Even when he was no longer responsive, they never stopped treating him like a person. They even let us decorate his room in West Ham colours!

My step mum and I were Dad’s carers at home, but the Hospice nurses took that pressure off us to just be with him as his wife and daughter – and I could do that because I felt he was safe in their care.

Dad loved a pint, and the nurses arranged to let him have a pint out of his West Ham glass. I could see it brought a little smile to his face. They have Spotify on the TV and my dad loved music, so he and my step-mum were able to listen to their wedding song together.

Lots of people came to say goodbye, and we all had our time with him. I decided not to bring my kids to the Hospice, but we brought teddies from the Hospice shop, and Dad kissed them and spoke to them as if it was the girls.

My girls now call the Hospice: ‘grandad’s hospital’. Everything we do now is to support ‘grandad’s hospital’. We took part in the Basingstoke Reindeer Run, and my two little girls dressed up in reindeer onesies, and we want to Light up a Life before Christmas. It has been really comforting to have joined part of the community. I find the events have been a good way to explain to them the Hospice and how it helped their granddad.

I have been having counselling with the Hospice Family Support team, which has been amazing, and I continue it now. It has supported me because it was so quick and my dad was so young, I was upset that we lost him so early.

Your loved one dying with all their family and friends around them, having the space and comfort to say what you need to one another, that’s what the Hospice gives you. It sounds odd, but they gave my dad a good death.

I thought everybody got this chance, but they don’t, and I think it’s so important that it carries on.