Rowland’s story

Row and I first met when we worked at Wiggins Teape in London, when I was just 17 and he was 20. He was promoted and ended up a Regional Director of the paper merchants and I was HR Director for the company. He really loved that job.

When the company moved to Oakley, Basingstoke in 1976 we moved with it and have been part of the community ever since.

After Row retired, he continued to arrange the Wiggins Teape Pensioners Winchester branch, arranging socials and Christmas gatherings. He was a keen golfer, so he managed the Wiggins Golf Society as well. So, we stayed very much involved with the company. It was very much a family company with high family values that Row and I shared – it was a lovely company to work for and we had a big friendship circle of people that we worked with every day and have kept in touch with through the Wiggins Teape pensioners.

We have two beautiful daughters and five grandchildren. Row was very much a family man! He adored his kids and his grandchildren. We are famous amongst our friends and family for our ‘Cant Olympics’. During our holidays every year, Row would organise silly games from cards and juggling to pool games. We would all compete for the Gold, Silver or Bronze medals.

Row used to light up a room – he always told silly jokes to make you laugh! He was such a fun-loving and creative man. It was really touching to welcome 220 people to Row’s service when he died.

In May 2024, Row was diagnosed with oral cancer in his jaw. He went very quickly, which in a way, was a blessing as it was a horrible cancer. He was with Guildford hospital but we were told the cancer was no longer treatable and Row needed palliative care.

It was a very frightening time. We could hardly believe what was happening. Row never called it ‘cancer’. At the time, he said, ‘If it wasn’t for this thing in my jaw, I would be okay. I don’t feel ill.’

We had friends who received hospice care before, but we hadn’t been into a hospice and I thought you could only go to the in-patient unit for end-of-life care.

Being introduced to Georgina at St. Michael’s Hospice was priceless. When you come to the Hospice you feel completely supported. Not just supported, but supported by expert, skilled and knowledgeable people. You feel loved and cared for emotionally and practically.

St. Michael’s treated us with such respect. They asked us what we wanted for Row. Like most people, we wanted Row to be comfortable and out of pain. I know some people are more comfortable being cared for at the Hospice, but for us, we wished for Row to be looked after at home. I felt quite capable of caring for him, but I didn’t have the medical skills to keep him out of pain. That is what the Hospice gave us, they granted us our wish.

I didn’t realise being at home was an option, but Georgina told us about the amazing Hospice at Home team that came to our home and made sure Row was out of pain for the rest of his life. The Therapy teams assessed our home to make sure we had everything we needed for Row.

Before, when we were in the hospital system it felt at times like it scans or medication would be delayed or might not happen. That all changed when we were cared for by the Hospice.  We would speak with Georgina and it would happen the next day.

The Hospice at Home team were marvellous. They came into our home, and they were so gentle and treated us with such compassion and respect. If everyone could have that care at the end of their lives, I think it would be absolutely wonderful.

Towards the end, Row never said he was in pain. What a blessing to have a terrible cancer but not be in pain. It’s a sad reality that not everyone gets the same treatment because we don’t have enough hospices.

Before I was introduced to the Hospice, I thought they could only support end-of-life from the in-patient unit, but they do so much more. They offer therapies, counselling, and care, not just for Row, but for me too, and they are still here for me afterwards as well.

I was so surprised how little St. Michael’s gets from the government – only 16%! The rest is raised from campaigning to keep this amazing service going.

I want to give back, and I think it is so precious to help the Hospice, not just for what they did for Row but to make sure it is still here in the future for other people.

We didn’t really know about cuddle beds until I watched a programme two weeks before Row died, and a lady was speaking about how brilliant they are.

If you have a hospital bed at home or in the Hospice, it is a single bed. And I thought, gosh I don’t want to not be with Row, we have slept side by side our whole lives and to not be next to him at the end of his life would be terrible.

Sitting beside the bed and holding a hand is not the same. What about other families with the children that want to get on the bed, younger people that have mums and dads that want to cuddle each other at such a difficult time?

Cuddle beds are a must in my view.

We were going to fundraise for Row to have a cuddle bed at home, but his illness progressed so quickly. So, we decided his memorial would be to raise money for a cuddle bed for St. Michael’s Hospice. We raised half ourselves and the Wiggins Teape Association made it up to the £15,000 needed to fund the bed.

It was amazing that we could raise the money in Row’s name. Wiggins Teape was part of the town, and Row was such as huge part of the company and community – it was a perfect match to help local families by funding a cuddle bed.

It’s a real pleasure and warms my heart to know that other families will have what we had: to be together, to share warmth and love by simply being close to one another. Those final moments are so precious, and they stay with you.

Everyone connected with the Hospice were truly amazing. Row was an amazing husband, dad and grandad. It is a wonderful legacy of love to fund a cuddle bed to support St. Michael’s Hospice and our local community now and in the future.

Donate to our Cuddle Bed Appeal today and help us ensure every family get the chance to have somewhere they can cuddle and embrace when they need it most. Click here to donate.